Chapter 28: Completely Baffled

Lamplight flickered…

Fatigued in both body and mind, Gu Mo sat at the edge of the bed, his head buzzing and his thoughts in absolute chaos.

"What the hell? What do you mean, harboring an evil fetus?"

The silly King of Hell girl looked at Gu Mo’s astonished expression and merely nodded with nonchalance.

After hearing such bizarre and unimaginable claims, Gu Mo immediately plunged into a rapid, deep train of thought.

‘Li Hongyan is harboring an evil fetus? That’s hardly likely! How could she possibly be entangled with demons out of the blue?’

In a flash, Gu Mo suddenly thought of the voodoo sorcerer Xiang Haitang.

‘That old bastard is not only treacherous, vicious, and unfathomably bizarre, but also completely unpredictable. It’s an undeniable fact that Li Hongyan fell into that old bastard’s hands a few days ago. But why would she only be harboring an evil fetus? Is there such a thing as stopping halfway when taking hostages? Or could it be... that Xiang Haitang grew a conscience? If that guy ever grows a conscience, I’ll eat the bedside table!’

The more he thought about it, the more bewildered Gu Mo became.

‘Viewed in this light, that walking corpse shadow was merely a cannon fodder messenger whose sole purpose was to draw my attention! Perhaps Xiang Haitang underestimated us due to inadequate preparation and ended up kicking the bucket!’

Yet, as soon as he reached this conclusion, Gu Mo immediately overthrew the conjecture.

‘Since Xiang Haitang was capable of refining a shadow corpse, his strength was naturally extraordinary! Xiang Yunjiao mentioned earlier that sorcerers who practice the flying-head spell reach a stage where they specifically target pregnant women and infants. Why wouldn’t he have simply devoured the evil fetus in Li Hongyan’s belly? Could this evil fetus be the next lethal weapon meticulously cultivated by Xiang Haitang? However, since Xiang Haitang is thoroughly dead, that evil fetus probably won't amount to much anyway!’

At this point, Gu Mo felt something still didn't quite add up.

Why had Xiao Yulou and the silly King of Hell constantly emphasized Li Hongyan?

Although Xiao Yulou had already stated this fact, Gu Mo always felt that scruffy Taoist was somewhat unreliable.

Firstly, Xiao Yulou was unrestrained, as vulgar as they come, and constantly engaged in swindling and bluffing.

Secondly, that vulgar Taoist seemed exceedingly gossipy and deeply invested in Gu Mo’s romantic history.

Thirdly, had Xiao Yulou’s divinations truly never failed once?

Fourthly, and most importantly!

The last time they helped Fairy Huang cross her heavenly tribulation and ward off karmic disasters, that vulgar scammer Xiao Yulou had colluded with the silly King of Hell to deceive Gu Mo. Otherwise, how could Gu Mo have been swindled out of both his money and his virtue by the silly King of Hell?

Though Gu Mo and Xiao Yulou had long shared life-and-death bonds and felt like brothers, recalling these four points inevitably filled Gu Mo with suspicion.

Coming straight from the mouth of the silly King of Hell, the news that Li Hongyan was harboring an evil fetus made Gu Mo even more skeptical!

‘This must be another elaborate scam! The goal is to make me stay away from my ex-girlfriend and dutifully serve as the silly King of Hell’s husband. Such a trick is far too amateurish! Besides, am I, Gu Mo, the kind of man to play both sides?’

Gu Mo’s guiding principle was simple: as long as it wasn’t caused by him, Li Hongyan could die however she pleased, even if her soul was utterly scattered, it wouldn't matter in the least.

It had nothing to do with him!

‘I’m no bleeding-heart saint; I have no need to pull every stray pot of filth onto my own head!’

At this, Gu Mo’s belly churned with wicked schemes.

After a brief reflection, Gu Mo decided it was time to play along and have some fun with these two.

Naturally, his current expression of shock and the layer of cold sweat were all entirely feigned by Gu Mo!

Playing the pig to eat the tiger required complete commitment to the act. Otherwise, what was even the point of playing?

……

Suddenly, Gu Mo plastered an incredulous look across his face, stared at the silly King of Hell, and asked eagerly, "Wife~ What on earth did you see?"

Hearing this, the silly King of Hell, dressed in traditional embroidered wedding attire, likewise gazed into Gu Mo’s eyes and spoke in a soft voice.

"The fetus in Li Hongyan’s womb has distorted facial features and is shrouded in black qi. It is extremely eerie—it doesn't look like a product of the mortal realm at all, but rather like some vicious ghost from the netherworld!"

Upon hearing these words, Gu Mo almost failed to hold back his laughter, his heart brimming with absolute contempt.

‘Good grief~ Extremely eerie? Is anything more eerie than the silly King of Hell herself? To think neither Xiao Yulou nor the silly King of Hell even bothered to prepare a script this time before improvising!’

Putting on a harmless, innocent expression once more, Gu Mo widened his eyes in feigned terror and asked, "Could she be possessed by a ghost?"

Hearing Gu Mo’s question, the silly King of Hell furrowed her brows slightly and sighed with a solemn expression.

"Within the netherworld of the underworld, I have seen all kinds of ghosts and monsters. But that evil fetus..."

Her trailing off only deepened Gu Mo’s suspicions.

What kind of evil fetus could it be that even the silly King of Hell had never laid eyes on?

Besides, hasn’t the silly King of Hell always lived sequestered within a deep, walled courtyard? As the apple of the King of Hell's eye, how could she have possibly laid eyes on any other vicious ghost besides the ghost servants attending to her bedchamber?

Numerous flaws came crashing in like a tidal wave.

Faking an air of absolute ignorance, Gu Mo pressed on with his questions.

"Well, what does it actually look like? You keep hesitating, Wife—something is clearly not right!"

Sighing in response, the silly King of Hell pulled out her phone, opened an app, and began to doodle on the screen. Moments later, a crudely drawn, utterly chuunibyou-style evil fetus was displayed before Gu Mo’s eyes.

Seeing this preschool-level doodle, Gu Mo almost burst out laughing and blew his cover. Yet, to continue stringing the silly King of Hell along, Gu Mo secretly reached out and pinched his own thigh hard beneath the covers.

On the surface, Gu Mo maintained his terrified, worried expression and asked, "The facial features are indeed quite distorted and terrifying. But what about its eyes?"

Realization suddenly dawning upon her, the silly King of Hell raised a hand and hastily sketched a pair of extremely hollow, empty eyes.

"Wife~ You draw with such vivid imagery! Truly a master’s brush—every stroke like a blade, every dot like a peach! Hua Tuo..."

Catching himself, Gu Mo hurriedly turned his head, spat lightly to clear his mouth, and continued, "Even Wu Daozi is no match for you! My wife is truly refined both inside and out, thoroughly accomplished in the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting!"

For the next few minutes, Gu Mo showered the silly King of Hell with extravagant praise...

He would have happily kept up the act, but realizing he hadn't rested properly in days, Gu Mo yawned widely and fatigue finally overcame him as he climbed back beneath the covers.

Seeing this, the silly King of Hell immediately knitted her brows and asked softly, "Husband, do you truly not care about that evil fetus at all?"

Hearing this, Gu Mo lazily rolled over and replied with utter disdain, "She's just an ex-girlfriend, she can die however she pleases! What does that have to do with me in the slightest?"

A blush reminiscent of a young maiden’s blossomed across the silly King of Hell’s face upon hearing this.

Women, at times, truly were wonderfully unpredictable creatures.

Stirring up petty jealousy was standard procedure, vanity was a universal phenomenon, and laziness was simply an everyday worldly norm!

In truth, modern-day women also adhered strictly to the traditional virtues of womanhood:

Never reasonable, never gentle, never considerate.

She could neither be hit, nor scolded, nor reasoned with, nor provoked!

Yet sweet nothings proved remarkably effective on them anyway.

Seeing that the situation had settled and no further dramatic spectacles were unfolding, the chubby little gluttonous ghost beside them flew back beneath the covers and drifted off into a deep, heavy slumber.

……

Time flew, and in the blink of an eye, dusk had arrived.

As Gu Mo finally cracked open his heavy, sleep-laden eyes, he hazily found Xiao Yulou pressed right against his face, as if plotting something exceedingly peculiar.

"What the hell!"

Crying out in shock and breaking into a cold sweat, Gu Mo hastily reached out to shove Xiao Yulou away, his face twisting into a ferocious grimace as a barrage of curses erupted from his mouth.

"You scruffy bastard, what the hell are you playing at? Are you trying to scare me to death or take advantage of me!"

At the mention of taking advantage, Gu Mo quickly glanced down at his Psyduck boxers.

When Gu Mo lifted his enraged gaze once more, he discovered Xiao Yulou chuckling vulgarly.

That smile was brimming with inexplicable undertones.

Frowning deeply, Gu Mo asked with a mixture of confusion and annoyance, "What on earth are you up to, kid?"

With nonchalant ease, Xiao Yulou sat down on the edge of the bed and spoke with a rather sheepish expression, "Brother Gu, let you and me, as brothers, discuss something!"

Catching sight of Xiao Yulou’s malicious glint, Gu Mo asked with utter bewilderment, "Spit it out if you have something to say, or shut up! Why the hell are you suddenly crawling into my bed?"

Flicking the sleeve of his Taoist robe, Xiao Yulou put on a cheeky smile and said, "Brother Gu, do you think that girl from Xiangxi could move in next door?"

At these words, Gu Mo turned his head, staring at Xiao Yulou with intense suspicion. "What's this? Has your boy taken a fancy to her?"

Provoked by Gu Mo’s words, Xiao Yulou’s old face instantly flushed crimson as he flapped his hands frantically, stammering, "Why must you state the obvious truth like that? I am a cultivator of the Tao!"

Hearing this, Gu Mo burst out laughing. "What? Are cultivators of the Tao not allowed to find a wife?"

The robed Xiao Yulou gave a slight shiver, leaned back a fraction, and muttered, "Well, they are allowed... I just don't know what she thinks."

With matters having reached this point, Gu Mo reached out, slapped a hand onto Xiao Yulou’s shoulder, and smiled warmly. "Well, there you have it—if you like her, go chase her!"

To his surprise, upon receiving Gu Mo’s advice, Xiao Yulou let out a heavy sigh and continued, "Easier said than done! She is the fourth member of our team! If we get tangled up in romantic disputes, how are we supposed to get along afterward?"

Suddenly bombarded with this massive influx of information, Gu Mo froze entirely.

"What... the fourth member?"

Flicking his Daoist sleeve and dropping his previous vulgar expression, Xiao Yulou nodded with solemn seriousness.

"That's right, Xiang Yunjiao from Xiangxi is precisely the fourth member of our team!"

Hearing this left Gu Mo completely dumbfounded, a lingering suspicion gnawing at him that Xiao Yulou was merely using public office to pursue private romance.

"Brother Xiao, you're already over thirty, freedom in love is hardly a crime! But inventing such a high-sounding excuse is where you're in the wrong."

To his astonishment, Xiao Yulou widened his eyes in absolute earnestness and declared, "The very day I first laid eyes on Xiang Yunjiao, I secretly divined it. She is truly the fourth member of our team!"

Confronted with such bizarre and unfathomable occurrences, Gu Mo’s mind was swallowed by a thick fog of confusion!

Initially, Gu Mo had expected Xiao Yulou to bring up Li Hongyan and the evil fetus once more, yet he never imagined Xiao Yulou would bring up a "fourth person" instead!

Could it be that, in some mysterious way, everything formed a closed loop? Just as there were nine supreme powerhouses back in the day, were they destined to gather a group of four?

Regardless, starting today, the Xiangxi girl Xiang Yunjiao had truly moved into Gu Mo’s home.

And yet, the things the silly King of Hell had spoken of turned out to be truer than gold itself!