Chapter 27: Crimson Flame Celestial Ribbon

Abruptly, upon laying eyes on that tattered piece of rag, the silly Hell Lord drew in a sharp breath and gasped aloud, her voice trembling with disbelief.

"Could this by any chance be the next Netherworld divine artifact—the Crimson Flame Riband?"

Hearing this, Gu Mo felt completely numb all over.

This tattered rag was actually a divine artifact of the Netherworld? If someone claimed this scrap of cloth was a discarded bedsheet from a neighbor's house, Gu Mo might have barely been able to swallow it.

This rag was a Netherworld divine artifact? You've got to be kidding me!

Even if beaten to death, Gu Mo would never have associated it with a divine artifact!

However, observing the grave expression on the silly Hell Lord’s face, it seemed this bizarre item was even weirder than the previous divine artifacts!

Yet, upon hearing such a convoluted and tongue-twisting name for this scrap of cloth, Gu Mo remained completely bewildered, utterly clueless.

With a modest heart, Gu Mo raised his eyes to look at the petite and adorable silly Hell Lord, asking softly,

"My wife, what on earth is a Crimson Flame Riband? I don't understand a single word of this!"

At these words, the silly Hell Lord suddenly thrust out her left hand with force.

With a whoosh, that unassuming scrap of rag flew straight into her palm.

Looking closely, this unremarkable piece of cloth was a full meter wide and four meters long. Its entire body was a drab, grayish color, resembling a beggar's bedsheet that had been washed seventy or eighty times.

With a single flick of the silly Hell Lord's wrist, the rag unfolded out of thin air, suspended in mid-air and spreading out flat.

Yet a rag remained a rag; even without moth-holes or loose threads, it still looked thoroughly ordinary.

Still, nothing in this world should be underestimated. As the old saying goes: 'You cannot judge a person by their appearance, just as the sea cannot be measured with a peck.'

Following that, Gu Mo, the silly Hell Lord, and the furry gluttonous spirit all stared with wide, curious eyes, gazing upward from below at this rag that exuded an uncanny aura.

Regrettably, there were neither dragons nor phoenixes carved onto this grayish rag, nor any cursive strokes resembling swimming snakes. Aside from blocking out light rather poorly, no trickery or hidden marvels could be detected at all.

Yet the strangest part was precisely this: the more unfathomable and mysterious an object was, the more useful it tended to be!

With his mind in turmoil, Gu Mo relived the horrifying scene from earlier.

Without further ado, Gu Mo kept it brief, recounting in meticulous detail all the bizarre traits of this tattered cloth.

When the silly Hell Lord finished listening, she too stared at it with a face full of doubt and inspected it for a long time.

With nothing better to do and no answers forthcoming, Gu Mo reached out, pulled out a cigarette, and bit down on it.

Click!

A tongue of flame flickered, sparks flew, and smoke billowed.

Nicotine and tar surged violently deep within Gu Mo's lungs.

After an unknown passage of time, the silly Hell Lord blinked her spring-clear eyes and said perplexedly,

"Logically speaking, this Crimson Flame Riband should be a majestic and imposing item. Why on earth does it look like a pile of ashes?"

Hearing this, Gu Mo softly asked,

"Wife~ what on earth is a riband?"

At this, the silly Hell Lord suddenly fixed her gaze on Gu Mo's eyes with absolute sincerity. Then, a remark that least sounded like a joke slipped from her lips.

"Husband, put on this Crimson Flame Riband and feel it for yourself!"

Hearing this, Gu Mo felt utterly numb.

"What?"

Having uttered just that single word, Gu Mo was instantly glared down by Jiang Jingshen's irresistible, ferocious stare.

With no other choice left to him, Gu Mo could only harbor tears in his eyes as a wave of deep emotion swept through his heart.

'Sigh~ Who on earth did I offend? Out of all the stunning beauties in the mortal realm, why on earth did I have to marry a whimsical female ruler of the underworld? My peaceful days are truly over!'

Though resentment simmered in his heart, Gu Mo dared not voice a refusal under any circumstances.

With a resigned tug, Gu Mo draped the grayish rag over his shoulders, tying the two ends into a knot across his chest, which instantly gave him an inexplicably comical look.

Cast in a quick glance, Gu Mo stood barefoot on the bed, wearing only yellow Duck-billed cartoon boxer shorts. Draped in this drab, tattered rag, he looked for all the world like a second-rate superhero from an island nation.

With a snort of laughter!

Jiang Jingshen immediately covered her mouth to suppress her giggles, while the furry gluttonous spirit beside her grinned from ear to ear, letting out a series of chuckling sounds.

Look at our dear Gu Mo—he was quite literally the ace fighter in the realm of cringe, thoroughly defeated with style. Dressed in this outfit, he was only a few steps away from looking like a street beggar!

Suddenly, Gu Mo split his mouth into an exaggerated grin, mimicking Crayon Shin-chan’s signature pose by holding his hands straight out, and let out a goofy laugh.

"Dynamic-Action-Ray~ Oh hahaha~!"

The very next second, Gu Mo twisted his features and cursed angrily.

"What the heck~ Am I an absolute idiot? Why on earth did I put on such a ghost of an item?!"

At these words, with a deafening boom!

Jiang Jingshen instantly burst into eerie, chilling green ghost-fire all over her body. Her furious, hair-raising appearance bore no resemblance whatsoever to her previous cute and delicate self!

Instantly, Gu Mo felt his bowels tighten and his sturdy frame shudder as beads of sweat the size of soybeans burst forth like bamboo shoots after a spring rain!

"Wife~ don't be angry, please don't be angry!"

Acting like a frightened bird, Gu Mo repeatedly apologized before asking gently,

"Wife~ what exactly is a riband? I still don't get it at all."

Under this third inquiry, Jiang Jingshen finally sighed and slowly explained.

"A riband is merely an accessory used in clothing."

Upon hearing that this rag was merely an ornamental accessory, Gu Mo almost cackled like a pig.

"Can an accessory actually turn out to be a Netherworld divine artifact?"

Jiang Jingshen shot Gu Mo a fierce, disdainful look before continuing,

"Ribands are mostly lightweight fabric textiles, sometimes even integrated into garments; they are predominantly made of silk, damask, or gossamer gauze painted with silver or gold dust. There are numerous ways to wear them.

Generally, ribands fall into two categories: one has a wider fabric width and a shorter length, known as a capelet. When worn, it is draped over the shoulders and is mostly used outdoors;

The other has a narrower width but an increased length, known as a riband proper, which is usually wrapped around the arms and worn mostly indoors."

Hearing this, Gu Mo's expression sank instantly, and a tempest raged within his heart:

'Holy crap, so that's how this rag is supposed to be used!

Yet who on earth would use such a tattered cloth as an ornament?

Draping this thing over oneself can at most block the sunlight and shield against wind and rain. So why call it a riband in the first place?

Is it for wiping sweat?

Wouldn't calling it a scarf make more sense?'

Musing upon this, Gu Mo secretly sighed to himself.

'Calculated this way:

The Heaven-Measuring Ruler can be seen as an iron rod for chasing off stray dogs, or for poking a fireplace;

The Soul-Drawing Gourd is basically just a flask to buy wine at an inn;

The Soul-Igniting Lamp is just a broken oil lamp;

Could the legendary "Immortal Sovereign of Ziwei Boundless Destiny" from back then truly have been a beggar?

Draping this grayish rag over oneself—the mental image is simply too stunning; I dare not even imagine it!

Since he was already this impoverished, why insist on calling it the Crimson Flame Riband? What is "crimson flame" about this chicken feather? It's clearly just a gray rag!'

In the span of a mere fleeting moment, all sorts of wild associations raced through Gu Mo's mind!

Since the silly Hell Lord knew the name of this Netherworld divine artifact, she ought to know how the damn thing was supposed to be used!

Thinking of this, Gu Mo looked into the spring-clear eyes of the silly Hell Lord and asked softly,

"Wife~ since it's a riband, how on earth is this thing supposed to be worn?"

Hearing this, Jiang Jingshen shook her head with a blank expression.

"Your concubine only knows the name of the Crimson Flame Riband. However......" Pausing slightly here, Jiang Jingshen voiced her own speculation.

"In ancient times, didn't generals going off to battle wear armor? The ornament on the armor is essentially a cape; even though styles vary, adding a riband to it is entirely plausible. Once my husband gathers a massive amount of ghostly energy, he will likely discover the true function of this Crimson Flame Riband!"

Hearing this, Gu Mo nodded with half-believing skepticism.

During his battle with Xiang Haitang last night, Gu Mo had suffered because he lacked armor. If he could secure a set of armor, he would be able to fend off danger to some extent should he encounter peril again.

To look no further than the Well of Gods and Demons, when Gu Mo and Xiao Yulou plunged into the aloe vera river, both relied on protective shields to save themselves from the agony of falling debris smashing their skulls, whereas Li Hetang had suffered terribly.

That scheming scoundrel hadn't whipped out his polar combat suit in time and had his face beaten black and blue by flying rocks.

With this in mind, Gu Mo looked at the silly Hell Lord and continued to ask,

"Wife~ can you conjure up a set of armor for your husband? With that thing, your husband won't get beaten to a pulp by enemies in the future!"

To his surprise, as soon as these words left his mouth, Jiang Jingshen flatly refused.

"Husband, it's not that your concubine is nagging, but you are simply far too frivolous. You fail to diligently cultivate your ghostly energy on ordinary days, so naturally you get beaten to a pulp when facing enemies, and you have no one else to blame!"

Instantly, Gu Mo's expression darkened as he aggrievedly protested,

"Brother Xiao is, no matter how you look at him, a transcendent Taoist practitioner, and his tortoise-shell shield was already extremely strong. Yet when he ran into that old scoundrel Xiang Haitang, didn't he suffer a massive defeat as well?"

At this point, Gu Mo rolled his eyes and instantly guessed what little scheme was churning in the silly Hell Lord's mind.

He tilted his head slightly, arched one eyebrow, and asked with full perplexity,

"Wife, are you afraid that once your husband gets armor, you won't be able to assert your supreme authority in the household anymore?"

In a flash, Jiang Jingshen furrowed her brows, hatching a plan on the spot.

"Is my husband's skin feeling itchy? Would you like your concubine to loosen it up for you?"

Hearing this, Gu Mo's heart skipped a beat, and he dared not utter another syllable.

Who told him to go and marry a Hell Lord for a wife, after all?

A small beating every three days, and his neck choked every five days. When on earth would this miserable life ever end?

As a sigh-ridden Gu Mo sat on the edge of the bed in utter helplessness, the silly Hell Lord slowly opened her mouth to say,

"Husband, you must step up your cultivation from now on! Otherwise, if your reserve of ghostly energy remains insufficient and thin, you'll naturally find it hard to hold onto your precious little life!"

Hearing this sensible piece of advice, Gu Mo slowly nodded in agreement.

In the span of a breath, a new question naturally arose.

"Wife~ you went out to gather intelligence—did you find anything out?"

Not mentioning it would have been fine, but at the mere mention, Jiang Jingshen raised her fist and rewarded Gu Mo with yet another resounding flick to the forehead.

"Tell me, are you still harboring thoughts about that woman named Li Hongyan?"

Hearing this, Gu Mo was so startled his jaw dropped.

"Of course not! Isn't this pinning an ungrounded crime on me? Your husband's loyalty to you is as steadfast as the sun and moon!"

A few seconds later, seeing Gu Mo's sincere expressions and being plied with a flurry of sweet words, the silly Hell Lord finally cast aside her lingering doubts.

Who would have guessed that the very next words out of the silly Hell Lord's mouth would cause Gu Mo to draw in a sharp, freezing breath.

"Husband, that Li Hongyan indeed conceived a cursed fetus; I reckon her days are numbered!"

"Holy crap, what the hell?"