Chapter 18: A Chinese Odyssey is the GOAT

With a sharp, crisp clank!

That curved Miao saber, gleaming with a chilling light, was instantly unsheathed.

Seeing the fierce and imposing demeanor of the girl from Western Hunan, Xiao Yulou strolled calmly toward the tree with an air of utter nonchalance.

In the span of a breath, a snap echoed through the air.

That immortal-looking and ethereal Xiao Yulou actually broke off the top and bottom of a tender, half-meter-long green branch, holding it in his hand as he began stripping away the emerald leaves.

Then, with a momentary lapse in judgment while holding the branch, Xiao Yulou looked up and said in a soft, teasing voice.

"Such a long night, it turns out you... can't sleep either, my dear!"

Upon witnessing such an outrageously provocative gesture, the girl widened her angry eyes and unleashed a torrent of curses.

"You scruffy, wretched Taoist! How dare you flirt with your grandmother here!"

Hearing this, Xiao Yulou, clad in a black Taoist robe, merely glanced back at Gu Mo—who was still entangled in a swarm of hornets—shrugged his shoulders, and said with serene detachment.

"A gentleman does not fight with women, and since my brother still needs to undergo tempering and trials, I suppose I shall just have to amuse myself with this young lady."

Stung by these overtly flirtatious words, the girl from Western Hunan felt a surge of incandescent rage grip her heart. Gritting her teeth, she pointed her Miao saber directly at Xiao Yulou and snarled viciously.

"No nameless ghosts die beneath my blade! Speak your name at once, you frivolous Taoist!"

In response, the seemingly immortal Xiao Yulou simply shrugged with an expressionless face.

"This poor Taoist is an idle hermit from the Wuzhuang Temple atop Mount Yuxu. My Taoist name is Shezou Sanren, and my secular name is Xiao Yulou. May I ask for the fair lady's esteemed name?"

Upon hearing his moniker, the girl wielding the Miao saber sneered coldly and replied with extreme disdain.

"My name is Xiang Yunjiao, and I am the beloved granddaughter of the Witch King!"

Hearing the young lady's name, Xiao Yulou gave a slight nod.

"Truly, beauty that puts flowers to shame, a face like an immortal—an absolute masterpiece of the mortal realm!"

"You're asking for a beating!"

Hearing such frivolous flirtation once more, the girl named Xiang Yunjiao widened her eyes in fury, brandished her saber, and charged forward with rapid strides.

Looking closely, the footwork and stance of this Western Hunan girl were exceptionally steady, practically ghost-like in their execution.

If one were to compare her movement techniques to those of Gu Mo and Xiao Yulou:

Gu Mo's Seven-Star Dipper-Stepping technique was as elusive and unpredictable as the vast, starry river;

Xiao Yulou's Three-Pure Movement technique was as startling and swift as an arrow released from a drawn bow;

While the movement technique of Xiang Yunjiao, the girl from Western Hunan, was quite simply like a midnight specter, arriving with overwhelming momentum!

In the blink of an eye, that ghostly, graceful figure had already closed the distance right up to Xiao Yulou.

Yet the carefree and detached Xiao Yulou simply took a deep breath, channeling the Taoist *qi* within his body from his fingertips straight into the surface of the branch he held.

Instantly, that half-meter-long slender branch began to gleam with a golden light, as though it had been electroplated.

With a sharp, resonant clang, the whistling Miao saber struck the branch head-on.

Bizarrely enough, that casually snapped branch did not split in two, nor did it bear even the slightest scratch from the blade.

Seeing this, Xiang Yunjiao felt her heart skip a beat, instantly developing a secret shred of admiration for the frivolous Taoist before her!

As they fought in close quarters, the utterly shameless Xiao Yulou lightly inhaled the delicate fragrance emanating from the young woman and blurted out an admiring sigh out of nowhere.

"Such a refreshing fragrance on this young lady~ It's almost enough to make this poor Taoist lose his soul!"

To Xiang Yunjiao's ears, Xiao Yulou's spontaneous praise sounded like nothing less than blatant, frivolous harassment.

Within a breath, the Western Hunan girl abruptly leaped backward, standing her ground with a blushing face as she glared fiercely at Xiao Yulou.

"You scoundrel, how utterly shameless, simply wretched! You're asking for a beating!"

Meanwhile, holding the glowing golden branch, Xiao Yulou smiled with the utmost gentleness, raising his eyes to gaze intently at the young woman's face.

The wind rustled the clouds, and the brilliant moonlight spilled down gently.

The Western Hunan girl wore her dark hair cropped short just past her ears, adorned with a silver, powdery-pink stud on her delicate earlobe that complemented her look perfectly.

Standing taller than one meter and seventy centimeters, the short-haired maiden wielding the Miao saber wore a black night-crawling suit that outlined her exquisitely contoured, flawless figure to perfection.

Most praiseworthy of all, however, was her delicate, exquisite complexion that seemed as though it would break at the slightest touch!

Beneath a pair of slender, leaf-curled eyebrows lay long, straight, black eyelashes resembling tiny folding fans. Beneath those lashes, her eyes were as clear and limpid as a mountain spring.

Her nasal bridge was high and straight, the tip of her nose rounded, and her lips possessed a natural, rosy crimson hue without the aid of rouge!

In an instant, a flood of complimentary terms bubbled up inside Xiao Yulou's mind.

Skin like congealed lard, delicate enough to be broken by a breath, warm and soft as white jade!

If Wang Zhaojun were to see her, she would surely strum her pipa in disarray and depart in bitter sorrow for the northern frontier;

If Yang Yubuan were to see her, even her legendary drunken imperial consort state would dissolve into tears as she sorrowfully drank three great cups of wine;

Diaochan and Xi Shi (the author hasn't researched their nocturnal states deeply enough, so we shall skip the elaboration.)

And if Lin Daiyu were to see her, she would surely bury flowers beneath the moonlight and vomit blood from sheer jealousy.

……

In that fleeting instant, beholding such a breathtaking, peerless visage, Xiao Yulou's heart began to flutter wildly; he sank into the moment, utterly unable to extricate himself!

*'Boundless Heavenly Honored One, how on earth did I end up fighting before I even got a good look?'*

With this thought, Xiao Yulou flicked the sleeves of his Taoist robe and spoke with refined courtesy.

"My dear, you win. This poor Taoist willingly surrenders beneath your pomegranate skirt!"

Plummeting out with such a sudden remark, Xiang Yunjiao was left completely dumbfounded.

"What did you say?"

Taking a deep breath, Xiao Yulou let his eyes radiate flickers of golden light.

"This poor Taoist has no resistance whatsoever against a peerless beauty. If we keep fighting, I'm afraid I'll have to pledge my very body to you!"

Hearing such scoundrel-like words, the Miao-saber-wielding Xiang Yunjiao instantly felt her cheeks flush crimson.

"You audacious, frivolous rogue, take your grandmother's blade!"

As the words fell, Xiang Yunjiao flashed forward once more in a rapid dash.

Swish~

That sharp, gleaming Miao saber came to rest directly against Xiao Yulou's throat, yet the utterly shameless Taoist stood his ground without a single dodge.

Slowly, the immortal-looking Xiao Yulou closed his eyes, allowing the sweet scent radiating from Xiang Yunjiao to drift freely into his nose.

Then, Xiao Yulou tilted his body slightly. But before he could even take half a step forward, the fierce voice of the Western Hunan girl rang out in his ear.

"Take half a step forward, and I will kill you!"

Suddenly hearing this familiar line, Xiao Yulou slowly raised his head to gaze at the bright moonlight, speaking with profound emotional depth.

"You should do that, and I should die as well. Once, a sincere love was placed before me, but I failed to cherish it... Only when I lost it did I realize my boundless regret. The most painful thing in this world is precisely this."

Standing opposite him with her blade raised, Xiang Yunjiao furrowed her brow, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu regarding the unfolding scenario.

To her utter astonishment, Xiao Yulou showed not a shred of fear with the saber pressed against his windpipe, continuing his deeply emotional monologue.

"Go ahead and slice my throat with your blade! No need to hesitate! If the heavens were to grant me a second chance, I would tell that girl three words: I love you.

If this love had to be assigned a deadline, I hope it would be—ten thousand years!"

Hearing these intensely cheesy yet utterly classic lines, the knife-wielding girl from Western Hunan suddenly felt her whole body go limp, and the chilling Miao saber dropped to the ground with a resounding thud.

Realizing his tactic had worked, Xiao Yulou chuckled inwardly.

Glancing down, he saw Xiang Yunjiao squatting on the ground with a flushed face, using her hands to fan cool air across her delicate cheeks to bring down her body temperature.

*(A Chinese Odyssey is simply forever the goat!)*

When Xiang Yunjiao stole a furtive glance up at Xiao Yulou, her blushing face was practically red enough to bleed.

A sweet and barely audible whisper drifted over.

"This Taoist looks quite refined, even if he is a bit of a blockhead."

Without missing a beat, Xiao Yulou slowly squatted down to eye level, gazing directly at the world-unworldly Western Hunan maiden.

If Gu Mo knew that Xiao Yulou was taking time out from guarding him during his trial to flirt with a girl, he would undoubtedly cough up a lungful of blood in sheer anger!

Meeting his gaze, the blushing maiden stared right into Xiao Yulou's eyes and asked softly.

"Will you come to marry me, stepping on a colorful auspicious cloud and wearing golden sacred armor?"

At these words, the black-robed Taoist merely smiled faintly.

"Oh come on now, my friend! This poor Taoist isn't the Supreme Treasure; where on earth am I supposed to find golden sacred armor?!"

The sudden, abrupt twist bent Xiang Yunjiao's mental posture clean in half.

For a brief, dazed second, the Western Hunan girl widened her eyes in fury and began pounding her little fists against Xiao Yulou's chest.

Do not underestimate Xiang Yunjiao just because she was female; she hailed from the lineage of Western Hunan witchcraft and sorcery. Those tiny fists carried a gale-force momentum, striking like a slithering serpent or a coiling dragon.

If Gu Mo had taken those blows, half his life would have been snuffed out long ago!

Yet the ethereal, immortal-looking Xiao Yulou refused to dodge, taking the full brunt of the flurry of punches.

*Ahem~*

Struck squarely, Xiao Yulou shuddered violently, a sudden rush of sweetness flooding his throat. A trail of fresh blood immediately spilled from the corner of his mouth.

Instantly, having thrown those punches, the Western Hunan girl was overcome with immediate regret.

"Why are you such a fool? Why didn't you dodge?!"

Taking the blow, Xiao Yulou merely offered a faint smile and remained silent...

Right at that moment, the crisp sound of chewing echoed through the air—*crunch, crunch, crunch*.

Furrowing his brow slightly, Xiao Yulou cast a sidelong glance and spotted the pitch-black, furry gluttonous spirit squatting nearby, happily munching on potato chips and snacks.

Catching Xiao Yulou's glare, the gluttonous spirit bared its cavernous mouth in a silly, goofy grin.

That smile seemed to say: *Don't mind me, Furry Ball is just watching a TV show here! Hurry up and continue the act!*

Because the gluttonous spirit hadn't opened its spiritual connection with Xiang Yunjiao, the clueless and innocent Western Hunan girl only heard the crunching of snacks without seeing a thing.

"What are you looking at?"

In response, the ethereal Xiao Yulou merely smiled faintly and kept his silence.

*(Why did Xiao Yulou only smile and say nothing?)*

*(You must understand that after taking that punch, this fellow's mouth was already full of blood. If he tried to speak before swallowing the blood, wouldn't he lose all his composure and elegance?)*

*(Sure enough, the saying 'death before loss of face' holds completely true!)*

*(Besides, the person squatting right before him was none other than the object of Xiao Yulou's budding affection. Swallowing a mouthful of old blood was nothing by comparison.)*

Just as Xiao Yulou and Xiang Yunjiao were experiencing the first stirrings of romantic affection and mutual admiration, a figure exuding an intensely heavy aura of yin energy stood quietly in the deep shadows.

*Swish~*