Seventy-Nine: Between Life and Death

"Li Xiaobei, what are you doing?" Lin Hui's cry jolted me awake at once.

I had only just lifted my head when I saw her rush forward in a single stride, snatch the blade from my hand with force, and fling it hard to the floor. Then, flustered and pale, she seized my wrist, the one still bleeding. "Li Xiaobei, have you lost your mind?"

"Sister Hui, I'm utterly worthless." I gave Lin Hui a numb, dazed smile. "If I don't even have the courage to die, what else can I do?"

"Li Xiaobei, don't be like this... If you keep this up, Lele won't be at peace either." As she spoke, Lin Hui crouched down and casually grabbed a packet of tissues from the bedside table. She pulled out seven or eight sheets and pressed them, without the slightest care for neatness, onto my wound.

I had once loved a line very much: that hand in hand would end in parting, as fated as it was helpless. Yet I had never imagined that one day love would be torn from my world in such a nearly brutal way. The road of life stretched long and thorny, leaving me scarred all over.

Lele, you've gone, and the thread that bound our feelings together has snapped. From now on, alone on this road, how am I supposed to face it? Lele, do you know? I would rather hear one final farewell from you than be tormented like this every day by longing, and by that tiny, illusory shred of hope.

"Tell me, does heaven really exist?" I murmured to myself as I slowly raised my head, staring absently at Lin Hui's hands. For a moment, the person before me no longer seemed to be Lin Hui, but Lele.

"Lele..." I sank down beside the bed, whispering her name in a trance over and over, then suddenly pulled Lin Hui into my arms. Against her shoulder, I began to sob in a low voice.

Lin Hui did not struggle at all. She simply patted my back gently and rhythmically. After a long while, I finally began to calm down.

"Feeling better?" Lin Hui asked softly.

At the sound of her voice beside my ear, I suddenly sensed that something was not quite right. I hurriedly loosened my hold on her and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, I..."

Lin Hui handed me a tissue and stood up, deliberately changing the subject. "Hurry and wipe your tears. I'll go look in the next room for some bandages."

As she stepped out, Lin Hui did not forget to remind me once more. "No more doing anything foolish! Do you hear me?"

After what had just happened, it seemed I had finally begun to understand: to meet the right person at the right time, and to have cherished one another, meant that even if the moment of crossing paths was terribly brief, perhaps I, too, could still count myself fortunate.

Not long after, Lin Hui came back carrying a first-aid kit. She set it on the bed, then sat down beside me with a slight turn of her body, glancing at me from the corner of her eye before taking a roll of gauze from the kit.

"Um, it's not necessary, is it? The blood is almost dry." I felt Lin Hui was making too much of it. "My hand wrapped up in gauze like this—I'll have trouble explaining it to my mom when I get home. Forget it. It's already fine."

"No way! Go to the hospital or wrap it in gauze—pick one yourself!" Lin Hui's tone was exceptionally firm, leaving no room for negotiation.

"Then... then let's wrap it in gauze..." In the end, I had no choice but to give in.

Though I had been trying very hard to hold back my emotions, when I lowered my head and saw Lin Hui carefully bandaging my wound, my tears once again betrayed me and fell.

"For Lele's sake, you have to live well." After tying off the bandage, Lin Hui gave my shoulder a hard pat.

"Don't worry, Sister Hui. I understand now." I kept my head lowered, feeling like a child who had done something wrong.

"Good. You really frightened me just now! You're so childish!" Hearing me say that, Lin Hui finally let out a long breath. It was plain to see she had been exhausted by all this running around.

"Sister Hui, thank you." At that moment, I didn't know what else to say except thank you. "I... I made Lele's room into such a mess..."

"Leave the cleanup to me." As she spoke, Lin Hui pushed herself up from the edge of the bed. "It's late. I'll take you home."

"No, I can get back by myself..." I had already troubled her for half the day and truly did not want to burden her any further. Besides, I knew this area well, and my home was very near; it was only two stops by bus. But before I could even finish politely declining, Lin Hui had already taken my hand and led me straight to the door.

"Look at you, all wilted and out of sorts. I don't trust you to go alone!" She gave me no chance to refuse. Without another word, she pushed me out, then turned and locked the door behind us.

On the way through the residential complex, I tried to steer the conversation toward things unrelated to Lele.

"Sister Hui, what... what do you do?"

"What?" Lin Hui didn't catch on at first. She turned her head in confusion and glanced at me.

"Um, I mean, what kind of work are you doing now?" I clarified a little.

"Oh, that. Nothing much—just doing odd jobs at a private company." As if suddenly understanding, Lin Hui opened her mouth slightly, then absentmindedly smoothed her wind-tousled hair. She looked uncannily like Lele.

"Heh, so Sister Hui, you're an office lady after all." I forced a faint smile onto my face.

"Well, not really. I just graduated, so I mostly run errands and do little things inside the company. Just making a living." Lin Hui pressed her lips together, wearing an expression that was half smile and half not.

"You don't show your teeth when you smile, Sister Hui. That makes you count as a refined lady, doesn't it?" Somehow, at a time like this, I even still had the mood to tease Lin Hui. Perhaps it was because she was Lele's cousin, which made me feel an inexplicable closeness to her.

Or perhaps, deep down, I had already begun to treat her as Lele.

All the way there, though we talked nonstop, the two of us tacitly avoided any subject having to do with Lele.

The bus stop was not far from the entrance to the complex, and we reached it quickly. Standing on the platform, however, Lin Hui showed no sign of leaving.

"Aren't you planning to keep me company until the bus comes?" I raised my bandaged hand as if to show her I really was fine.

"Dream on. How ungrateful can you be! I'm just afraid you'll be bored waiting!" Lin Hui leaned her whole body against the stainless-steel railing in front of the platform, staring quietly into the distance with a pensive air.

The bus arrived soon enough.

"Remember what I told you. If anything comes up, contact me..." Lin Hui waved her phone in her hand and called out loudly after me.

I said nothing, only smiled at her, then turned and stepped onto the bus.

I do not know where the road lies, nor where its end may be, so all I can do is keep walking on like this...

(Chapter revised on October 10, 2010)