Seventy-Seven: On the Brink of Collapse

Confused and staggering, I did not know how I got home, nor how I fell asleep. I only knew that the world that had belonged to me had already collapsed completely.

In that half-dreaming, half-awake state, dawn came. I lay motionless in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, not even knowing what time it was now. Lele was gone. Perhaps for me, life no longer held any meaning at all.

Suddenly, a burst of urgent ringing shattered my thoughts. Could it be Lele calling? I sprang up at once and snatched the receiver with desperate hope.

"Hello, I’m looking for Li Xiaobei." It was a stranger’s voice, a woman’s voice, not Lele’s. That disappointment hit me hard.

"Uh, that’s me." Though my mood was terrible, I still replied politely.

"You... you are Xiaobei? I... I’m Lele’s cousin. Chen Hao should have mentioned me to you..." The other woman sounded tense and uneasy. "If... if you’re free, could we meet and talk?"

Lele’s cousin? I straightened up in surprise. "Uh, is something the matter?" Even though I knew perfectly well that she was calling about Lele, I still asked the obvious.

"I want to tell you some things about Lele. Will you come?" Her tone was oddly calm.

"Time, place." Though I was unwilling in every possible way, I still decided to meet this mysterious cousin of Lele’s.

After thinking for a moment, she finally spoke slowly. "Then, three in the afternoon, at Lemon Tree Café by West Lake."

"But I don’t know you. How will I find you then?" I immediately raised my question.

"It doesn’t matter. I’ll recognize you. Uh, if there’s nothing else, I’m hanging up now. Three o’clock this afternoon. Don’t be late..." Before I could react, a dead tone came from the other end. She had already hung up.

I opened the door and stepped out of the room. My parents were both out. It was already past lunchtime, and on the dining table there was only a plate of dumplings left. I had not eaten anything all day yesterday, and by now I was so hungry I felt lightheaded.

I could not go out like this. Though my heart was aching, I still took a pair of chopsticks from the kitchen and sat down by the table. I ate ravenously, tears falling as I ate, and even now I still could not believe that Lele had already become part of my past.

Lele, didn’t you say you’d be back tomorrow? Lele, didn’t you say you were going to show me your permed curls? Lele, didn’t you say I was supposed to treat you to McMc’s? Lele, you broke your promise...

The café Lele’s cousin had mentioned was very close to my home, only a fifteen-minute walk away.

"Li Xiaobei!" Before I had even reached the café, I saw a woman standing at the entrance, waving at me.

When I drew near, I realized that the woman before me possessed the same enchanting beauty as Lele. A pair of black-rimmed glasses lent that beauty an added depth. Although Lele’s cousin was dressed like a white-collar professional, she did not seem more than a few years older than I was.

I took a deep breath and tried hard to steady my emotions, then hurried forward.

"Let’s talk inside," Lele’s cousin said, turning slightly to guide me into the café.

It was a European-style café, though the atmosphere was only average. Though it was still daytime, the light inside was very dim. We chose a seat near the corner, and a server soon came over carrying a menu, asking softly, "What would the two of you like?"

"One iced cappuccino. And you?" Lele’s cousin closed the menu at once and looked up at me.

"Anything." I did not know much about coffee, and besides, I was in no mood to drink any.

"Then two iced cappuccinos, please. Thank you." Lele’s cousin turned to the server.

"Very well. Please wait a moment." The server bowed and left with the menu.

"How should I address you?" After the server had gone, I leaned forward and asked quietly.

"My name is Lin Hui." Lin Hui looked at me calmly, a faint smile at the corners of her mouth.

"Uh, since you already know who I am, I don’t need to introduce myself again, do I?" I had not slept well last night, and by now my eyes were aching a little. I took off my glasses and rubbed them hard. The way Lin Hui smiled suddenly reminded me of Lele. Come to think of it carefully, the two of them really did resemble each other somewhat.

Not far away, two middle-aged women were seated together. One of them looked haggard, her face sallow, her eyes swollen and red, clearly as if she had just cried. The other woman, though a little out of shape, was wearing makeup and still looked passably pretty; she must have been a beauty in her youth.

She ordered two Blue Mountain coffees.

Perhaps the haggard woman saw the price on the menu, for she hastily called the server back and murmured to her companion, "It’s too expensive. Let’s just get milk tea instead."

"You, honestly! You’ve spent your whole life saving, and look what happened now—your husband ended up being saved for someone else! You’re empty-handed, and you still don’t know how to be kind to yourself! What are you saving all that money for?" the made-up woman said irritably. "All right, no need to change it. It’s on me!"

After being scolded by her companion, the woman’s eyes reddened again in an instant, and she hurriedly pressed a tissue against that face on which youth had already vanished...

"Actually, I don’t like coffee. I don’t like that bitter taste." Lin Hui’s words pulled my thoughts back again. By then, the server had brought over a cappuccino.

"You go first." I pushed the coffee in front of Lin Hui and asked in confusion, "Since you don’t like coffee, why did you ask me to meet you here?"

Lin Hui did not answer me. She only stirred the thick foam on top of the coffee with great force.

After a while, my cappuccino arrived too. Looking at the rich coffee before me, I suddenly felt an impulse. I lifted the cup and drank it all in one go. A chill buried in bitterness spread instantly through my entire body. Perhaps only this sensation could momentarily freeze the heart I had already seen hanging upside down at the edge of collapse.

"Who drinks coffee like that?" Lin Hui could not help reaching out to tap the hand I was holding the cup with.

"All right, the coffee’s finished. Time to talk about the real matter, isn’t it?" I stared at Lin Hui impatiently.

Lin Hui gave a bitter smile, sighed, and set down her coffee...

By the time we came out of the café, it was already past six in the evening.

"Xiaobei, let me take you somewhere." Standing at the café entrance, Lin Hui gently tugged at my sleeve.

"Where? Forget it. I’m not in the mood." After listening to Lin Hui all afternoon, I felt utterly exhausted now, and all I wanted was to go home and sleep.

"Lele’s house." Lin Hui looked full of confidence. "I don’t think you’ll refuse."

The chapter was revised on October 9, 2010.