Chapter Ninety-Four: Emerging from the Surface

"I checked for you. She had officially withdrawn from school at the time." It was Haozi's voice on the other end of the line. "Xiaobei, I really think Lele must have had some hardship. Don't..."

"Mm, don't say any more. I know." I understood that Haozi wanted me to calm down, but how could I possibly calm down at a moment like this? "Thank you, Haozi. Then... let's leave it at that for now. I want to be alone for a while..." Though my voice trembled faintly, I still managed to keep my emotions under control.

"Uh, all right. I don't think Lele meant to lie to you. Maybe there is some hidden reason you don't know about. Don't take it too hard..." Haozi fell silent for a moment, apparently unable to think of anything else to comfort me, and could only hang up helplessly.

If she had merely gone traveling, then Lele would have had no reason at all, and no possibility whatsoever, to go through a withdrawal from school. Unless... unless she meant to leave this city for good! But if Lele was truly still alive, then how could last year's car accident be explained? And where was she now?

My mind was in chaos, my heart filled with questions, yet I could not make sense of any of it. Perhaps only Lin Hui truly knew everything, but would she really tell me the truth?

"Xiaobei, do you trust me?"

"Yes..."

"Very beautiful, isn't it... Perhaps I can help you deliver it to Lele..."

"Deliver it to Lele? But wasn't she..."

"Uh... yes... in another way..."

"I... trust you."

...

Suddenly, the scene from this year's Tomb-Sweeping Day floated into my mind. Even then, I had felt that Lin Hui seemed to be hiding something from me, but since she was Lele's sister, I naturally did not probe any further.

It all seemed like something out of a movie, yet everything had happened before my eyes in vivid, undeniable reality. I forced myself to stay calm, then slowly began to sort out my thoughts, recalling every detail of the times I had spent with Lele.

From what I knew so far, I already had about an eighty percent certainty that the accident last year was nothing but a fabrication. That would also explain quite well why, no matter how hard I searched online, I could not find even the slightest news report about the crash. Back then, Lin Hui had told me that the government had suppressed the story for fear of hurting tourism.

But none of that mattered to me anymore. What I urgently wanted to know was where Lele had been all year. The world was so vast that finding one person was no different from searching for a needle in the sea. Yet from all my years of knowing Lele, there were only two places she could have gone: Beijing or Spain.

"My mother and I are usually abroad. In the future, Lele is very likely to choose that path too. Have you thought about that?" Lele's father's words surfaced little by little in my mind. "I'm only giving you a warning. You have to be mentally prepared. In the end, the one who may stay with you may not be Lele... Uh, but in any case, I will respect your choice."

Yes, it had to be. Lele must have gone to Spain with her parents!

After a year, I finally had news of Lele again. I was like a traveler lost in the desert who suddenly encountered an oasis, though I still could not tell whether what appeared before me was real, or merely a mirage.

What I needed to do next was confirm it with Lin Hui. Though it would be difficult, I had already worked out how to handle it.

A little nervous, I still resolutely dialed Lin Hui's number. The ringtone played for quite a while, but no one answered. Just as I was about to hang up in frustration, the call connected.

Lin Hui's voice on the other end sounded somewhat uneasy. "What's wrong, Xiaobei? Is something the matter?"

"It took you so long to answer. Were you hesitating because you saw the caller ID?" I said, half joking and half serious.

"What nonsense are you talking about, Li Xiaobei!" Lin Hui's voice was unusually loud, as if she were angry. Yet I felt she was deliberately masking her true feelings.

"Give me Lele's number." I ignored Lin Hui's fierce reaction and spoke to the phone in a cold tone.

"What number?" Lin Hui asked in confusion. Then, as if she suddenly understood something, she fell silent at once.

"I want Lele's number in Spain. Can you tell me?" My tone was calm, but firm.

There was a long silence on the other end. I made no attempt to press her, only waited quietly, waiting for Lin Hui to make her final choice.

After quite a while, Lin Hui finally spoke, though it sounded more like she was talking to herself. "You... you already know? I... I can give you the number, only she... Lele... don't blame her..."

"No, I guessed it." Hearing my guess become reality, I felt no joy of victory whatsoever. Instead, there was only pain, a heart-wrenching agony at being deceived by the person I loved and trusted most.

"You..." I imagined Lin Hui must be vomiting blood by the bucketful right then. "Li Xiaobei, I surrender! Fine! Fine! I can't keep acting this out anymore! I'll give you Lele's number, go ask her yourself! Uh, 003492..."

"Wait... wait! I don't have a pen. Send me the number by text." I looked around, then felt through my pockets, and cut off Lin Hui before she could finish reciting it.

"Uh, all right... But no matter what, you have to believe... Lele loves you! Don't ever..." Before Lin Hui could finish, I had already hung up impatiently.

Love? Could deceit also count as a kind of love?

I had no idea what kind of feeling I should use now to face Lele. Lele was alive and well. Wasn't that the ending I had wanted most for this past year and more? So why...

Human nature was, in the end, still hypocrisy.

Staring at the long string of unfamiliar digits on my phone screen, I could not help feeling an inexplicable surge of nervousness.

"What are you waiting for? Hurry up and call Lele, make her explain everything!" one voice urged me.

"Don't be foolish! What good would calling her do? She is never coming back!" another voice followed at once beside my ear. The two voices argued without end, and I had never been so indecisive in my life.

"Hello, your number has not been registered for international, Hong Kong, Macau, and Taiwan long-distance service. Please complete the registration procedures..." Listening to the mechanical voice from my phone, the courage I had barely mustered vanished once more, just like the tide retreating from the shore.

Lele, should I hate you more, or love you more?

I could not answer myself.

The revision of this chapter was completed on October 19, 2010.