Chapter 95: Have you gotten the paperwork done?

Under the power of money, even in this day and age, anything could be gathered in the shortest possible time.

In just over three hours, a whole truckload of menstrual pads had been delivered and piled up before the three archways, reeking of blood and rot.

The girls present were all mortified at the sight, but since this was the method for breaking the gates, none of them said a word.

The men, on the other hand, did not care in the least. Under Brother Wang’s direction, they were about to go forward and paste the doors shut.

“Stop.”

Suddenly, a voice rang out. Then, on each of the three doors, a shimmer of divine light rippled, and three phantom figures appeared one after another.

One was an imperial figure, clad in dragon robes, standing before the arch guarded by two coiling dragons.

One was a mighty divine general in armor, standing before the arch guarded by a white jade lion.

One was an old man, standing guard at the gate like a shrine deity.

“This is going too far! What have I done to offend you, for you to strike so ruthlessly?” The imperial man glared at the crowd and shouted in fury.

Everyone: ???

“Is that an emperor?”

“Seems like it.”

“Can an emperor become a god too?”

“Hard to say. After all, he was born favored by heaven, wrapped in dragon fortune. Even if he cannot become an immortal, after death he ought to be able to become some sort of ghostly deity, right?”

“That can’t be, can it? If every emperor could become a ghost god, then there would be far too many emperor-spirits. And the dynasty had so many civil and military commanders too. If they all rallied under him, wouldn’t he dominate one corner of the underworld?”

“Exactly. The underworld can’t just sit there and watch one faction seize the business, can it?”

“Then what exactly is this?”

As the crowd argued noisily among themselves, the imperial man’s face darkened like ink. Enraged, he bellowed, “You younger generations are utterly lacking in decorum! Have you no sense of rank and propriety?”

Hah!

At those words, the people who had still felt a little reverence immediately bristled.

What era was this?

And he was still playing the feudal-game?

Who exactly was the one without self-awareness here?

“Of course there is rank and propriety, but that is for one’s parents and for heaven and earth. What are you? Just some relic we dug up in an excavation. You’re not even a person anymore, and you still want to strut around and lord it over us?” a young man snapped back, indignant.

“Impudence.”

“Impudent your grandmother. Shut the hell up.” The young man picked up a menstrual pad and hurled it.

The imperial man’s expression changed. Golden light surged around him, blocking the pad, but the next instant he gave a muffled groan, the gold light dimmed, and his face turned unsightly beyond measure.

“Hey, it actually works that well?” The young man’s eyes shone. At that moment, immense confidence welled up in him. From now on, if he carried menstrual pads with him, where in the world could he not go? One pad to break ten thousand methods!

“Everyone, we are merely here to avoid calamity. We have done nothing to harm the mortal world. Why must you press us so relentlessly?” The old man also spoke, his tone sincere and his posture humble. Clearly, he knew how to read the room and understood the situation was not in his favor.

At those words, the young men no longer felt able to act.

Even if they were not human, they should not be bullied so badly.

But Brother Wang did not care. Smiling, he said, “What the elder says is true. However, we have come here on assignment as well. Come, let me introduce you. This is from the Black Mountain Forestry and Land Administration Bureau, in charge of the planning of all land and forests in Black Mountain. We’re mainly here to discuss a few issues.”

With that, Brother Wang pulled forward a man in his forties wearing glasses.

The bespectacled man was dressed in a rigorous manner, expressionless, carrying a black bag with him. He looked every bit like a civil servant.

The old man: ???

“Hello, my name is Yuan Feng. This is my work ID. You may inspect it first.” The bespectacled man produced a small booklet.

The old man did not look at it, and instead asked, “What issue do you have?”

“It is like this.” The bespectacled man did not insist. He put the booklet away and continued, “Regarding the land use of Black Mountain, do you have the relevant permits? The development of this underground cavern system is a major resource utilization project. We need you to present the proper development and utilization documents.”

The old man’s face also went dark. “What documents? This deity is the god of Black Mountain. Heaven and earth granted me this mountain. When have I ever needed to prove it?”

“Heaven and earth granted it to you? Then please invite heaven and earth here. After all, the development of such a major resource must be verified. Otherwise, if anyone were to come and do as they pleased, the resources of this land would hardly be limitless. How, then, could they meet the needs of the people? Also, resource development requires taxation. May I ask whether you have a tax certificate?” the bespectacled man inquired, his face expressionless.

The old man choked with anger. “Are you determined to force us? Do you know this is defiance of the gods? You will incur heavenly punishment.”

“I’m sorry. Our system does not have a position called god. And when we do things, we value fairness and justice, putting people first. If you cannot produce the proper documents, then I’m sorry, but this cavern development counts as illegal construction. By law, it must be demolished,” the bespectacled man said steadily.

“Demolished? Heh. A bunch of ordinary mortals really think that because they have a few broken trinkets, they can run wild without restraint? This Black Mountain is not a place where you can act arrogantly.” The other armored divine general spoke as well, his voice rough and his tone cold.

The bespectacled man asked, “And you are?”

“I am the Tiger General of Black Mountain,” the divine general said proudly.

“A general? Please present your identification.”

The divine general: ???

“What did you say?” he asked in disbelief.

“Your papers. A general is a senior officer in our military system. Since you call yourself a general, you must produce documents proving your identity. Otherwise, you are impersonating one, and by law we will arrest you,” the bespectacled man replied.

“Arrest? Hahahaha, arrest? You’re courting death.” The divine general nearly exploded with rage.

He had never encountered such a thing in his life. It was outright provocation!

With his roar, one phantom after another emerged from the archway: ghastly soldiers, each gripping a blade, baring their teeth and charging forward with savage faces.

“Everyone, don’t run. Pads ready. Throw!” Brother Wang had prepared for this long ago. At his command, nearly a hundred people all grabbed menstrual pads and hurled them in a sweeping barrage.

As expected of a treasure that warded off evil, the ghost soldiers were hit and immediately flared with red light, screaming miserably. Before they could even steady themselves, another wave of pads came flying in, frightening them so badly that they fled backward.

“What are you afraid of? Charge! All of you, charge! Kill these bastards!” the divine general roared.

“Chicken-blood guns, dog-blood guns, ready!” Brother Wang had also grown through the experience. He was increasingly displaying the bearing of a seasoned commander.

In an instant, more than ten hoses were hauled forward, and their valves opened toward the three archways.

Pshh!

What sprayed from the hoses was chicken blood and dog blood, all refrigerated and still kept in liquid form. Though not as fresh as newly drawn blood, they made up for it in sheer quantity.

Chicken blood and dog blood gushed everywhere. Many ghost soldiers were drenched, and their bodies crackled and burst with noise as they screamed and vanished into nothingness.

This time, even the divine general was dumbstruck, his eyes wide in utter disbelief.

In the past, chicken blood and dog blood had been hard to come by, requiring people to search all over for them.

How could they now be sprayed out like this, as if it were raining? Had they slaughtered every rooster and black dog in the world?

Seeing that the blood worked, the people holding the sprayers moved forward and aimed them at the archways, ready to soak the three of them as well.

“Don’t spray! I have a certificate.” The old man panicked and hurriedly yielded.

Brother Wang: ???

So the gods can even get permits now?

Then everyone saw the old man wave a hand, and a group of young women, naked and exquisitely beautiful, appeared in a suggestive, coquettish manner. Each one tossed a flirtatious glance, outrageously alluring.

“Look, these are the documents. As long as you speak properly, I’ll give one to each of you.” The old man continued solemnly.

Brother Wang: …

Zhang Kai: …