Chapter 55: Facing the "Imps": Playing Cards Entirely by Shouting

Underworld Poker: From Fight the Landlord to Six-Chong
Volume Three, Chapter Fifty-Five: Facing the "Imps Team": Playing Cards Entirely by Shouting

The Judge was so furious at Li's poem that his mustache and eyebrows twitched. Just as he was about to flip through the manual again to find an "additional penalty for mocking the referee," Lady Yama grabbed him by the ear and dragged him away. "You're still flipping pages! By the time you find it, the Six-Chong group stage will be over! Can that manual help you win cards? You'd be better off going home and copying 'Stop fussing' ten times!" The onlookers laughed so hard they leaned back and forth, and the Judge's three imp attendants hurriedly grabbed their abacuses and inkstones, scampering off in a flurry behind him.

Wang Er-Ma was happily cracking A-Xiang's roasted melon seeds when he saw four tattered little imps skipping over. The largest was barely half a person tall, and the smallest had to stand on tiptoe just to reach the table. The leader of the imps held up a chipped wooden sign with "Imps Team" scribbled crookedly on it. "Grandpa Ma! We're the Imps Team! In a minute when we play, whatever we play depends entirely on shouting, so don't you go getting scared!"

Old Zhou hurriedly sorted the cards in his hands into red and black piles, secretly trying to slide a single red peach Two into his blue cloth bag. Only halfway in, the smallest imp spotted him. The imp bounced up and grabbed for it. "Grandpa Old Zhou is hiding cards! I'm going to tell Sister A-Xiang and make her smack you with a cabbage leaf!" Terrified, Old Zhou quickly pulled the red peach Two back out and tossed it onto the pile. "I'm not hiding it! The card rolled in all by itself!"

A-Xiang walked over carrying a fresh batch of "children's melon seeds" (specially roasted so they weren't too salty) and handed a handful to each imp. "Little imps, play nicely. If you win, I'll fry up some cabbage meatballs for you! If you lose, don't cry, I'll brew sweet soup for you!" The four imps shouted in unison, "Thank you, Sister A-Xiang!" Their voices were so loud they made the cards on the table jump.

The match began. As soon as Black and White Impermanence finished arranging the six decks of cards, the lead imp rushed to deal them out. He dealt in a total mess—some imps got twenty cards, others thirty. Little Zhang quickly counted, "Wrong, wrong! In the Six-Chong four-person team, everyone should get thirty-nine cards!" The smallest imp puckered his lips. "When we played cards with the Earth God last time, we just took as many as we wanted!" Wang Er-Ma waved his hand with a smile. "No worries, no worries! The kids back in our neighborhood always deal the wrong cards too. We'll make do, as long as everyone has fun!"

In the first round, Wang Er-Ma led with a "spade 3-7 straight" and shouted, "Here comes the candied hawthorn skewer!" The lead imp immediately stood up, put his hands on his hips, and yelled, "We play a spade 8-12 straight! Ours is longer than yours!" With that, he and the other three imps flipped through their cards. After searching for a long time, they only came up with a bunch of single cards. The lead imp scratched his head. "Oops, we don't have a straight! Then we play 3s!"

The four imps shouted in unison, "We play 3!" and each pulled out a 3, slamming it "clack" onto the table—a red peach 3, a spade 3, a diamond 3, and a club 3, perfectly covering all four suits. Wang Er-Ma chuckled. "You guys are playing 'mob style'! Only the kids in our neighborhood play like that!" Taking the opportunity, Little Li pulled out his poetry notebook and recited:
"The imps play cards with mighty shouts,
All four suits of 3 are thrown about.
Grandpa Ma praises with a happy cheer,
This game of cards is truly dear!"

The four imps were so flattered they beamed even brighter, shrieking at the top of their lungs with every single card they played. The lead imp played a "diamond 5," shouting, "I play diamond 5, anyone going to beat it?" The other three imps echoed, "Diamond 5! Diamond 5!" The smallest imp played a "Big Joker," screaming, "I'm playing the biggest one! You can't beat this!" He shouted with so much force he almost threw the Big Joker right into A-Xiang's wok.

Old Zhou was clutching a massive bomb of six 5s in his hand, hoping to save it until the end. But the lead imp spotted it and hollered, "Grandpa Old Zhou has 'New Year firecrackers' (the poker underworld slang Wang Er-Ma had taught them)! We'll play four Aces to bomb you!" The four imps pooled their cards together, and sure enough, they managed to scrape together four Aces, slamming them onto the table with a thud that shook the board. Though it didn't match Old Zhou's bomb, Old Zhou was so startled his hand jerked, causing two cards to slip from his grip.

Wang Er-Ma hurriedly helped Old Zhou pick up his cards, smiling as he said, "Don't panic, Old Zhou, the imps' bomb isn't bigger than yours! Your six 5s are way more powerful than their four Aces!" Old Zhou hesitated for a long time before finally pulling out the six 5s, whispering, "Bom... bombed," whereupon all four imps chorused, "Wow! Grandpa Old Zhou is amazing!" The praise made Old Zhou blush, and he actually felt a little shy.

Little Zhang kept score while laughing. "The Imps Team still has twenty-eight cards left, including three Big Jokers, two Small Jokers, and a bunch of single cards. No more bombs!" Hearing this, Wang Er-Ma quickly led with a "red peach 10-K straight," shouting, "Candied hawthorn skewer to finish things off!" The four imps rummaged through their cards for a long time without finding anything to beat it. The lead imp pouted. "We lost! But we're not convinced! Next time we'll gather six Aces and play you again!"

A-Xiang hurried over with bowls of sweet soup, handing one to each imp. "It's fine even if you lose. Drink a bowl of sweet soup and win them back next time!" The four imps took the bowls and drank with great gusto. The smallest imp added, "Grandpa Ma, we want to play with you again next time! You're much more fun than Grandpa Judge!"

Old Zhou stroked the cards in his hand and quietly tucked the red peach Two he had tried to hide earlier right into his straight pile, muttering to himself, "Playing cards with imps means I don't even need to hide anything..." Little Li recited another verse:
"The imps lost the game with a sweet, happy grin,
Drinking sweet soup without any sin.
Grandpa Ma's team takes the victory crown,
The Six-Chong arena is the best in town!"

The surrounding ghosts laughed even harder. A long line formed in front of Meng Po's sweet soup stall, and Black and White Impermanence came over to horse around with the imps. Wang Er-Ma leaned against the table, snacking on A-Xiang's roasted melon seeds, deciding this match was far more interesting than playing against the Judge. After all, who could possibly turn down a bunch of imps who shouted when they played and didn't cry when they lost?

The setting sun filtered through the windows of the Wronged Ghosts' City card arena, casting a warm glow over the card table, the bowls of sweet soup, and the smiling faces of the imps. The aroma of A-Xiang's roasted seeds drifted far into the distance. Little Zhang was still diligently keeping score for the next round, while Old Zhou quietly plotted whether he should proactively throw a bomb in the next game just to hear the imps praise him all over again.