Chapter 54: Little Li Writes a Poem to Curse the Judge: "Rules Are More Numerous Than Hairs"

Underworld Card Game: From Fight the Landlord to Six-Chong
Volume 3, Chapter 54: Little Li Writes a Poem to Scold the Judge: "Rules Are More Numerous Than Hairs"

The cheers of victory from the first round had not yet faded when Ah-Xiang hurried over with a fresh batch of stir-fried "Victory Melon Seeds," stuffing a large handful into the hands of everyone on Grandpa Ma's team. "Grandpa Ma! I told you my melon seeds would bring good luck! Win the next round, and I'll stew napa cabbage soup for you all!" Old Zhou clutched his melon seeds, quietly trying to slip a single Spades Four into his blue cloth pouch. Before he was even halfway done, a cabbage leaf smacked the back of his hand. "Old Zhou! Hiding single cards again? Do it again, and I'll dump all the melon seeds in your pouch straight into the wok!"

Old Zhou hurriedly fished the Spades Four back out and stuffed it into the deck. "I'm not hiding it! I was just... helping Little Zhang sort his cards!" Little Zhang adjusted his glasses and said earnestly, "Old Zhou, this is the third single card you've hidden today. It says 'No Hiding Cards' in the Judge's manual, page five hundred and sixteen." The moment the Judge heard the word "manual," he instantly perached up. He unstrapped the *Detailed Explanations of Six-Chong Rules* from his back and slammed it onto the table with a loud *bang*. "Hear that? Even Little Zhang remembers the rules! Wang Erma, don't think winning one round makes you anything special. For the second round, this Judge has looked up the rules in advance. Let's see you pull any more wild tricks!"

With that, the Judge put on three pairs of reading glasses, his finger sliding back and forth across the manual while he muttered under his breath: "For the second round, the playing order must be 'clockwise,' no random turns; consecutive cards must be of the same suit, no mixing; bombs must be 'sorted by count,' a six-of-a-kind beats a five-of-a-kind..." He talked until his mouth was dry, and even had a lesser demon hand him ink to mark important points in the manual. Instead, he spilled ink all over his hand and wiped it on the manual, turning the "Bomb Rules" into a black blob.

Wang Erma leaned against the gaming table, cracking Ah-Xiang's melon seeds and laughing. "Judge, you're not checking the rules, you're giving the manual a 'makeover'! When we play cards in our residential compound, there's only one rule—have fun! Your three-thousand-page rules are more long-winded than Auntie Zhang from our neighborhood committee!"

Hearing this, Little Li hurriedly pulled out his poetry notebook, his pen spinning twice *swish-swish*, and began to recite at the top of his lungs:
"The Judge flips his book like a snail,
Half an hour per page to no avail.
Rules fill three thousand pages deep,
Thicker than the hair on my head, asleep!
If you ask how to play cards the fastest way,
Don't bother using logic with the Judge today.
By the time he finds a rule, the sun has set low,
We would have won three rounds ago!"

When he finished, Little Li even held up his poetry draft and waved it at the watching ghosts. "Everyone, tell me, is this poem right or wrong?" The ghosts shouted "Right!" in unison, and even Meng Po put down her sweet soup spoon and joined in, "Little Li's poem rolls off the tongue much smoother than the Judge's rulebook!"

The Judge's face turned purple with anger, and he pointed a shaking finger at Little Li. "You... you scholar ghost, how dare you mock this Judge's rules! 'Snail' and 'thick hair' in this poem are all sophistry! This Judge's rules are 'rigorous'! They are 'standardized'!" He wanted to flip through the manual to find the penalty for "ridiculing the referee," but after searching for a long time, all he could flip to were the "regulations on consecutive card suits." Furious, he slammed the manual onto the table. "Abominable! This Judge clearly remembers it was on page seven hundred and twenty-eight..."

"Judge, it's page seven hundred and twenty-nine!" Little Zhang spoke up suddenly, accurately reporting the page number. "It says right above, 'During a match, mocking the referee using poems, folk songs, or similar forms is prohibited; violators shall be punished by shuffling cards for one hour'—but you just spent over ten minutes flipping through the book. According to rule five hundred and three, 'If the referee exceeds the time limit while checking rules, they lose the right to penalize in the current round'!"

As soon as Little Zhang said this, the entire audience burst into laughter, and even the three lesser demons brought by the Judge covered their mouths to snicker. The Judge froze, hurriedly flipping to page seven hundred and twenty-nine to find those exact words there, and then to page five hundred and three. His face instantly collapsed. "This Judge... this Judge was deliberately testing whether you remember the rules!" He put on a tough front, but his hand quietly slid the manual behind his back, terrified someone would find another loophole.

Old Zhou seized the opportunity to lean in and whisper to Wang Erma, "Grandpa Ma, I reckon the Judge will definitely be slow this round. While he's flipping through his book, we should hurry up and play a 'tanghulu' (consecutive cards) to catch him off guard!" Wang Erma nodded. "Let's do it! If you get a bomb later, don't hesitate—just drop it. Ah-Xiang said if you bomb, she'll stir-fry an extra handful of melon seeds for you!"

Hearing this from nearby, Ah-Xiang raised a cabbage leaf and shouted, "Old Zhou, if you dare to bomb, I'll stir-fry you some 'bomb melon seeds' with two extra lumps of sugar inside! If you hold onto it and don't bomb, I'll beat your cloth pouch with a cabbage leaf!" Old Zhou nodded hurriedly. "I'll bomb! I'm definitely bombing this time!"

The second round began. Xiaobai rolled the dice, but this time the Judge insisted on rolling them himself, only to throw the dice right into Meng Po's sweet soup pot. Meng Po fished out the dice and laughed, "Judge, are you trying to 'add luck' to the sweet soup? These dice are covered in sweet soup now, you're bound to lose later!" The Judge blushed, hurriedly snatched back the dice, wiped them off, and tossed them onto the table. They landed on a two, leaving Grandpa Ma's team as the dealer once again.

Wang Erma played a sequence of "Spades Four through Eight." Just as he shouted, "Here comes the tanghulu!", the Judge yelled, "Stop!" Flustered, he flipped frantically through the manual, but after searching for ages, he couldn't find whether "Spades consecutive cards are allowed." Little Zhang reminded him from the side, "Judge, page three hundred and sixteen: 'Five consecutive cards of the same suit may be played, regardless of suit restrictions.' Spades are permitted!"

The Judge looked up and saw it was indeed on page three hundred and sixteen, so angry that he shoved the manual aside. "This Judge... this Judge was just confirming it!" Little Li seized the moment to recite another poem:
"The Judge flips his book for half a day,
Not as good as Little Zhang's memory display.
Rules are as dense as cow hair in a heap,
To win this game, Grandpa Ma's team must leap!"

The watching ghosts laughed even harder, and an old ghost shouted, "Little Li, compose another one! Scold him until we feel avenged!" Energized, Little Li was about to write more when Wang Erma hurriedly stopped him. "Stop reciting, stop reciting! If you keep going, the Judge is going to cry—and when he cries, it drags out time even longer than Meng Po losing a card game!"

The Judge's nose was twisted out of shape by the teasing, but he had no recourse—Lady Meng (Madam Yama) had walked by earlier and specifically warned him, "If you dare exceed the time limit flipping through books again, I'm confiscating the manual." He could only bite the bullet and play his cards. However, distracted by the earlier book-flipping, he mistook the "Diamonds Five" for a "Hearts Five" and played it. Little Zhang immediately cried out, "Judge, you played a Diamonds Five, not a Hearts Five! According to rule six hundred and twenty-two, 'Wrong cards played must be retracted, and cannot be played again this round'!"

The Judge took a look and saw he really had played the wrong card. Furious, he slammed the table, which knocked the manual off the edge. A yellowed piece of paper fluttered out from inside. He picked it up to take a look, and it was a "Headcount Table" he had been forced to copy out last year during a Fight the Landlord game. It still read: "Fight the Landlord: 3 players; Four-Chong: 4 players; Six-Chong: 4 players." When everyone saw it, they laughed even louder. "Judge, your manual even hides your 'dark history'!"

The Judge hastily stuffed the headcount table back into the manual, his face turning as red as the spider lilies of the Underworld. "This Judge... this Judge kept it as a souvenir!" With that, he hurriedly retracted the wrong card. It was the lesser demon's turn to play, but the demon had been so spooked by the earlier commotion that he actually played a "Supreme Card" (long before it was time to use it). The Judge penalized him by "canceling his eligibility for the current round," and Grandpa Ma's team seized the moment to play another sequence of consecutive cards, looking poised to win the second round.

Wang Erma stood with his hands on his hips, laughing. "Judge, look at that! Without flipping books, the game runs pretty smoothly!" Little Li added another line of verse:
"The Judge flips books in vain,
Grandpa Ma's cards fall like shooting rain.
No matter how many rules you make, they're dead,
Winning the match is what's true instead!"

The Judge pressed his lips into a tight, straight line of anger, but could only watch helplessly as Grandpa Ma's team's cards dwindled away, thinking to himself: *Next round, this Judge isn't flipping any books. Let's see you use poems to mock me then!*

Long lines formed once again in front of Ah-Xiang's melon seed stall, and Meng Po's sweet soup was mostly sold out. The watching ghosts laughed until they were bent double. Little Zhang was still diligently keeping track of the cards, while Old Zhou clutched the cards in his hand and secretly touched the melon seeds in his pouch, muttering to himself: *If we win this round, Ah-Xiang's "bomb melon seeds" will be mine—this time, I am definitely not hiding any cards!*