Chapter 33: Old Zhao Plays Dirty: Hiding Cards in His Shoes

Underworld Card Games: From Dou Dizhu to Six-Chong
Volume 2, Chapter 33: Old Zhao’s Trickery: Hiding Cards in His Shoes

Just as A-Xiang swept her "vegetable-shaped" hand into a pile—with two cabbages still left in her basket, which she was debating using as stakes for the next round—a familiar voice boomed from the entrance of the card parlor: "So, the Ma-Ye team beat A-Xiang? Not bad! It’s my turn to test my mettle against you lot, Old Zhao style!"

Everyone turned to see Old Zhao shuffling over. He wore his usual black cloth jacket, the cuffs worn shiny, and clutched a bulging cloth bag. After losing his last match, he had claimed he was going into "secluded training to memorize cards." Two days later, he was back in the tournament. He sat at the stone table, placed the bag on the corner, and slapped his thigh. "Judge, stop stalling! Deal the cards. I’m waiting to win back my chips!"

The Judge pushed up his spectacles and placed a counting abacus on the table. "Old Zhao, no mixing up the suits this time. Last time you played a Diamond 3 as a Heart 3, and the whole Underworld heard about it."

"That was an accident!" Old Zhao’s face flushed as he quickly changed the subject. "Four decks are too many; it’s easy to get confused. This time, I’ve got a 'secret weapon'!" As he spoke, he tucked his feet under the table, rubbing his toe against the leg of the stone stool with an unnatural twitch.

Wang Er-Ma had already noticed the odd movement. He wondered, *Old Zhao usually sits like a slob with his legs stretched out. Why is he pulling them back today?* Just as he was about to ask, Meng Po arrived with a bowl of sweet soup and handed one to Old Zhao. "Drink up, Old Zhao. Keep your spirits up if you want to memorize those cards."

Old Zhao took a sip, but his eyes kept darting under the table, and he was distracted during his turns. In the first hand, he played a pair of 8s. When Wang Er-Ma trumped them with a pair of 10s, Old Zhao stared blankly for a long time before saying "pass"—a far cry from his usual "champion" demeanor.

Xiao Li leaned into Wang Er-Ma’s ear and whispered, "Ma-Ye, something’s wrong with Old Zhao. Even when he’s bad at memorizing, he isn’t this slow. Do you think he’s hiding cards?"

"Hiding cards?" Wang Er-Ma narrowed his eyes and peered under the table. Old Zhao was wearing black cloth shoes with somewhat high tops. When he had rubbed his feet against the stool earlier, a corner of paper seemed to poke out from the shoe opening before vanishing. Just as he wanted a closer look, Xiao Bai rushed over from the back of the room, tugging on Wang Er-Ma’s sleeve. "Ma-Ye! Ma-Ye! I saw Old Zhao hiding a card! He stuffed it in his shoe!"

"In his shoe?" Wang Er-Ma nearly laughed out loud. "Why not his pocket?"

"I saw him squatting by the wall tying his laces! He pulled a card out of his bag and shoved it into his shoe!" Xiao Bai whispered urgently. "It looked like the Big Joker! He’s afraid of forgetting it, so he’s trying to cheat!"

Old Zhou heard "Big Joker" and inched toward Old Zhao’s feet, only to quickly retreat, whispering, "Ma-Ye, I... I think I smell his shoes. It’s a bit pungent..."

"Forget the smell, let’s catch him in the act!" Wang Er-Ma signaled Xiao Bai, who crept behind Old Zhao to watch for the swap.

It was Old Zhao’s turn. He fingered his hand, frowning as if indecisive. His foot retracted under the table again, and his hand snuck toward his ankle. Just as his fingers neared the shoe opening, Wang Er-Ma shouted, "Old Zhao, what’s wrong with your foot? Always pulling it under the table—did you get a pebble in your shoe?"

Old Zhao froze, pulled his hand back, and chuckled. "N-no, it’s just a bit chilly. Pulling it in keeps it warm."

"Chilly? In this Underworld weather, and you’re wearing cloth shoes?" Wang Er-Ma stood up, leaning in closer. "Let me see, is it torn? Old Zhang in my neighborhood always tucks his feet away when his shoes are broken, embarrassed for people to see."

Old Zhao panicked, shoving his foot further under the stool. "No, no, it’s not broken! I can handle it myself!" As he spoke, his hand instinctively darted toward his shoe again. This time, he was fast—he snatched the Big Joker out, clutching it in his palm, but before he could swap it, Xiao Bai shouted, "He’s got it! He pulled it from his shoe!"

The room fell silent. Every eye was on Old Zhao’s hand. His face turned a deep, beet red. He gripped the card tightly, wanting to stuff it in his pocket but not daring to move.

"Old Zhao, show us the card in your hand!" the Judge said, pushing up his glasses with a stern tone. "Per the rules, hiding and swapping cards is a violation. You’ll be disqualified!"

"I-I didn't hide anything!" Old Zhao protested, backing his hand away, but his grip slipped. *Plop*—the Big Joker fell, landing right at Old Zhou’s feet. The corner of the card was stained with black dust, and a faint, distinct scent of "Underworld athlete's foot" wafted up.

Old Zhou stepped back, pinching his nose. "Oh my, why does this card smell like that..."

Xiao Li crouched down, looked at the Big Joker, and improvised a poem on the spot: "Old Zhao’s trickery is quite a sight, hiding cards in his shoe to win the fight. But his hand slipped and the card hit the floor, reeking of foot odor and wanting for more!"

The room erupted in laughter. Even A-Xiang, forgetting her own embarrassment, pointed at Old Zhao and laughed. "Old Zhao, that’s a hell of a place to hide a card. Why not your pocket?"

Old Zhao stood there, face alternating between red and white. He picked up the Big Joker, brushed off the dust, and muttered, "I... I can't remember the cards. I was afraid I wouldn't win without the Big Joker, so I wanted to hide it... Who knew it would be so uncomfortable in my shoe, and it just fell out..."

"If you can't remember the cards, practice! What kind of skill is hiding them?" The Judge slammed his rulebook onto the table. "Per the rules, you are disqualified from this round. You are fined three pounds of melon seeds for the Ma-Ye team and must copy the 'Four-Chong Rules' ten times!"

Old Zhao hung his head, not daring to argue. He knew he was in the wrong, and after his "foot-scented" card had been exposed, arguing would only be more humiliating. He fished some ghost money from his bag and handed it to Meng Po. "Meng Po, please buy three pounds of melon seeds for the Ma-Ye team..."

Meng Po smiled and took the money. "Sure, I’ll pick out the freshly roasted ones. The salty kind—Ma-Ye loves those."

Wang Er-Ma picked up the Big Joker and handed it back to the Judge. "Judge, is this card still usable? It’s a bit pungent, but we don't mind."

"Mind?!" Old Zhao interjected anxiously. "I only just put it in there! It’s not dirty!"

"It’s not the dirt we mind, it’s the smell. What if it stinks up the game?" Wang Er-Ma teased. "Next time, don't hide them in your shoes—hide them in your hat. Xiao Hei hid them in his hat last time. Even though he forgot to take them out, at least they didn't smell."

Xiao Hei, who had just returned, waved his hands frantically. "That was for the King of Hell, not for my own gain!"

Xiao Bai laughed. "And you still forgot! The Lady of Hell found them, and you were punished by having to wash the decks for three days!"

Old Zhao scratched his head, embarrassed by the laughter, and grabbed his bag. "I’m off to copy the rules. I'll have Meng Po send the seeds over shortly..." He took two steps, then turned back. "Ma-Ye, next time I won't hide any cards. I'll play you fair and square!"

"Deal!" Wang Er-Ma waved him off. "I’ll be waiting. Just don't play a Diamond as a Heart again!"

Old Zhao didn't look back, just waved his hand and hurried off. Old Zhou leaned in, still pinching his nose. "Ma-Ye, thank goodness Xiao Bai found it, or we might have actually lost. That card smelled so bad I wouldn't have dared touch it."

Xiao Li wrote his poem in the paper ledger, laughing. "This is going into the 'Underworld Card Jokes Collection.' It’s even funnier than A-Xiang’s vegetable arrangement!"

Meng Po arrived with the freshly roasted melon seeds and set them on the stone table. "Old Zhao’s treat. Freshly roasted, very fragrant. Try some."

Wang Er-Ma grabbed a handful and offered them to Old Zhou and Xiao Li. "Try these. These are the 'fine-paid' seeds. They taste different!"

Old Zhou crunched on one and grinned. "Mmm, they are fragrant—tastier than the ones I buy myself!"

Laughter filled the parlor again. The pile of shells on the stone table grew higher. Sunlight streamed through the window, hitting the Big Joker that had been hidden in Old Zhao’s shoe. It might have still carried a hint of "Underworld foot odor," but it only added to the festive atmosphere. In the Underworld, winning wasn't everything—it was these little moments that made the game truly worth playing.